


Esteem? Mine field is barren.

by reddeadmort



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Self-Esteem, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 17:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18348329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddeadmort/pseuds/reddeadmort
Summary: Reader has self-esteem issues and Arthur tries his best to cheer her up.





	Esteem? Mine field is barren.

“Good mornin’, darlin’“. Arthur kissed the back of your neck as he stood behind you, wrapping his arms around you in a gentle embrace. 

“Morning Arthur” you smiled, placing your hands on his. “You want some coffee?” 

“Mhmm I’d rather have you.” Arthur smiled as he kissed your shoulder.

“Don’t be silly Arthur, coffee’s much better than me” you said as you pulled away, pouring him a cup. You felt embarrassed by his attention, you didn’t really know why. You loved being held in his arms, but lately, every time he did, you couldn’t help but hear those little voices… “he’ll leave you” “he’s far too good for you” “he’d be so much happier with Mary” “he’s only with you because he never meets anyone else”.  It wasn’t his fault, he seemed to worship you, god knows why. You just….well…… didn’t feel comfortable in your own skin. Or your own clothes, which were growing more ragged by the day. 

You hadn’t always felt this way; when you first started courting Arthur, you were full of confidence. You knew exactly what you wanted - him - and knew you could get it. Arthur had been a bit surprised by your self-assured approach to begin with, bemused as to why you were focusing on him; but it didn’t take long for him to want more, to want you. But the last few years of life in the gang had taken its toll. One too many failed scam of yours, too much running, too much stress. That horrible incident in the Rhodes saloon last week had just been too much. 

You’d just been trying to have a nice meal with Mary-Beth and Abigail, a bit of time away from the camp, anything to let you pretend life was more normal. You were nearly done when those  _men_  - and by men, you meant degenerates - decided that you three need some company. You still didn’t understand how a man like Arthur - someone who killed, robbed, stole - was more of a gentleman than most of the other men you met. You’d politely told them you were fine, thank you, but they wouldn’t take no for an answer. When you’d been more forceful they’d turned on you. “We weren’t talkin’ to you, ugly. Why would you think we’d want the likes of  _you”_ they’d sneered. “I wouldn’t even let my dog fuck you”. They’d shut the hell up pretty quickly with yours and Abigail’s knives to their throats, but still….. their words had stuck with you, crept into your thoughts every time you caught a glimpse of yourself in Arthur’s shaving mirror. 

You went to give Arthur his coffee, but instead of taking it he put both hands on your face, staring into your eyes.

“Darlin’, nothin’s better than you. Just seein’ you every day make me smile.” He kissed your forehead gently before resuming eye contact. “And seein’ you in the evening…. while that makes me a whole other kind of happy.” Arthur winked as he let his hands fall from your face and took the coffee.

“You’re a strange man Mr Morgan, you should get that head looked at.” You laughed and gave Arthur a little fake smile. “I best be getting on before Miss Grimshaw has words.”

—– 

_Arthur watched you walk away, shaking his head. He’d noticed a change in you, but didn’t really understand what; you weren’t quite yourself. You still smiled, and laughed, but he’d seen a sadness in your eyes that appeared when you let your mind wander._

_“Mornin’ Mary-Beth. You well?”_

_“Yes thank you Arthur. How’s things with you?”  
_

_“Well, I’m alright. but something’s a bit off with (Y/N). She’s been a bit..well… I don’t know how t’say it. It’s like she don’t like herself no more.”  
_

_Arthur shuffled awkwardly - he was used to that feeling, the self-hatred, and he knew how unpleasant it was._

_“Yeh, I know Arthur, I’ve seen it too. I told you about the saloon didn’t I?”  
_

_“Yeh Mary-Beth, you did, thanks. I just….I always tell her much I love her, and how gorgeous she is - and it’s true Mary-Beth, it’s true, I’ve got the drawings to prove it - but it don’t seem to help. I don’t know what to do.”  
_

_“Well, unfortunately just cause she’s hearing it from you Arthur doesn’t mean her brain is listening. It’s something she’ll need to work on herself, and she’ll get there; but whatever you do, just don’t stop trying. It’ll be helping, I promise.”_

_“Mhmmm, if you say so.”_

_“Tell you what Arthur, I’ve got some ideas from a book I just read. Come sit with me a while and I’ll explain”._

——      

“Come on (Y/N), we’re goin’ shopping. For a…. job you’ll be doin’”. Arthur smiled as gently took you by the shoulders and turned you in the direction of your tent. 

“I can’t Arthur, I’ve got things to do. Miss Grimshaw will kill me if I don’t have this all done by the end of the afternoon” you protested, but not wholeheartedly - of course you’d rather be shopping than scrubbing and skinning.

“Yeh you can, I’ve spoke to her, Mary-Beth’s coverin’ ya. Grab what you need for an overnight too.”

“What on earth are you planning Mr Morgan?” You loved it with Arthur surprised you, but it did make you nervous too. 

“Nothin’ bad darlin’, just trust me” he winked at you as he walked away to ready the horses. 

The ride to Saint-Denis was pleasant; you rode mostly in silence, as you often did, both lost in your own thoughts. Arthur brought you both to a stop outside one of Saint-Denis’ many upmarket clothing boutiques. 

“Come on darlin’, we need to get you a new outfit” Arthur said as he helped you off your horse. 

“Arthur, what on earth do I need a new outfit for?” 

“Errr… a job Hosea needs help with. You need somethin’ posh, like one of them ladies of leisure. Whatever one of them is.” You laughed at this, and Arthur loved it when those little creases appearing at the corner of your eyes when you did.

“Okay Mr Morgan, lead the way.” 

You enjoyed trying on the dresses and silly hats; you weren’t used to wearing something that required two people to put on, but it was fun pretending that this was your normal laugh. Arthur was doing his best to behave, being very polite with his compliments, but you could tell from the way he shuffled in his chair and bit his lip that you putting clothes on was the opposite of what was on his mind. It was nice to be wearing clothes that were better designed, fit you well; this, and the combination of the faces Arthur was making but trying to hide were making you feel quite pleased with. 

“You know darlin’ I reckon that last one was perfect. You get that one on again, I’ll get the bill sorted. Here, mister - I mean, sir - are you able to have one of the girls help her with her here? We’ve got a meetin’ to go to.” 

“Arthur, you didn’t say we were doin….it….now?” You frowned, you didn’t like not being prepared or forewarned. 

“Don’t worry, we ain’t, just need you to be seen somewhere for a bit, maybe meet someone briefly. trust me darlin’, you’ll enjoy it.” He kissed you on the hand before continuing. “I’ll head on ahead to the bar, get a few things sorted - it’s the one just a few doors up. You come on in when you’re ready and I’ll meet you at the bar.” Before you could object, Arthur was paying the shopowner and leaving. You were panicking a bit as the girls fussed and pulled at your hair; what the hell was going on? You tried your best to calm yourself, to slow your breathing.  _It’s Arthur. He may be daft but he isn’t stupid, if he says it’s okay it will be._ But you were still a bit miffed at him, and without him here saying how pretty the dress was, you started feeling like it was a bit….much. But you went along with it, like you always did. 

After much longer than you’d have liked, you were finally making your way into the bar. This was one of Saint-Denis’ finer establishments, and you were actually glad that you were dressed up. Unfortunately, Arthur was nowhere to be seen. You sighed, and walked up to the bar to order yourself a whiskey. Just as the bartender poured it, a familiar deep voice rumbled next to you. 

“Please put that on my tab sir.” You turned, smiling, to look at Arthur, and your jaw dropped. He looked……. magnificent, all dressed up in an evening suit, with his hair slicked back with pomade. You were so used to seeing him covered in some combination of mud, blood and sweat, seeing him like this was a shock. Before you could say anything, Arthur turned to address you.

“Good evenin’ Ma’am. I do hope you don’t mind. My name’s Tacitus Kilgore. I’m looking for the most beautiful woman in Saint-Denis, and I do believe that maybe you”. You blushed at this, finally shutting your slightly open mouth. 

“May I request the name of the beauty standin’ before me?” Arthur gave you a sly grin, which you returned.

“Why o’course Master Kilgore.” It hadn’t taken you long to perfect a southern drawl, and you slipped right into it. “Ma name’s Penelope Balfour.”

“Penelope Balfour? Well that name’s just about deservin’ of that gorgeous face.”

“Oh Master Kilgore, don’t be sayin’ things like that, you’ll be givin’ a girl ideas” you gave a delicate laugh as you spoke, drawing and opening the fan that had come with the outfit.

“Miss Balfour, please call me Tacitus. I would be honoured if you’d join me for dinner.”

“Why, Tacitus, very forward of you” you giggled as you fanned yourself. 

“Well, Penelope, I figured I best ask before a queue formed behind me.”Arthur was laying it on thick you thought. But hell, you didn’t care. This was fun.

“I’d be delighted Tacitus” you smiled, offering your arm to Arthur as he took it and gently steered you to a table. 

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter, as you and Arthur - Penelope and Tacitus - shared increasingly outlandish stories about their backgrounds, peppering each story with the fanciest compliments you could think of. 

“Penelope, I do believe I’ve fallen in love with you. Would you care to join me in my room for a nightcap.”

“Oh Tacitus, that’s very kind o’ you. I could do with a lie-down, all these drinks have made me light-headed”

Giggling, you made your way upstairs arm in arm. As Arthur shut the door to the room you assumed he’d rented for the night, you burst out laughing, you couldn’t help yourself. 

“Arthur, what the hell was that” you managed to get the words out as you wheezed. “That was no job!”

“I just wanted to make you smile darlin’” he said as he lifted your head by the chin so you were looking at him. “I love hearin’ you laugh.” He smiled at you and kissed you softly on the lips.

“Well you did that, for sure. But what’s with the dress and all the compliments?” 

Arthur looked more serious now. “I just wanted to….release you a bit. Help you relax. I know you’ve been stressed, and you’ve been gettin’ down on yourself. But darlin’, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And I know it might not mean much, and that it’ll take more than that to convince ya, but I’ll keep on sayin’ it as long as you let me. And I’ll always be here darlin’, waitin’ for you, adoring you.”

His words were as gorgeous as his face, and you nearly burst into tears. You threw your arms around his shoulders and kissed him hard. 

“Mr Morgan, I don’t know what I’d do without you, you fantastic man. Now help me get this damn dress off.”

“I’ve been lookin’ forward to this bit” he said as he bit his lip, turning you round to undo the laces on your corset. 

 _So have I Arthur, so have I._ You sighed gently as Arthur carefully worked his way up your back. You had a little way to go, you knew that, but if you grew to love yourself a fraction of the amount Arthur did, you knew you’d be okay.


End file.
